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- When I adopted my daughter, I had 24 hours’ notice to prepare for her arrival.
- I’m a freelance worker, so it was easy to stop taking on work, but it was a big shift in how I earn.
- This article is part of “Milestone Moments,” a series about financial planning for major life events.
This summer, my boyfriend and I adopted a newborn daughter — and we had only 24 hours’ notice once we had confirmation that she had been placed with us. Between packing baby supplies and installing the car seat we’d already purchased, I notified my freelance clients I wouldn’t be available for at least three months.
I didn’t want to commit to a specific time period since I didn’t know how much care my baby would need. As a freelancer, I’m used to my income varying, but this would be the first time in over 25 years that I wouldn’t have any steady gigs. My career is already precarious, and I had to prepare for my income to nosedive.
I tried to squeeze in extra income where I could
I didn’t fully quit working, because I still had a few deadlines to catch up on. While the baby slept, I edited a client’s novel. In a burst of hubris, I told one client that I could keep writing their newsletter. I assumed I could squeeze in work around my daughter’s schedule.
I didn’t realize just how much juggling I would do during my spare hours — laundry, dishes, thank-you cards for the influx of gifts we received, organizing my things and the baby’s.
Ever since we saved up all our anticipated adoption costs 1 1/2 years ago, I had tried to budget for my eventual time off. I’d been saving any spare income in an investment account that kept my money liquid and paid about 5% interest. On paper, my savings could cover my half of our mortgage and bills for at least a year, and my boyfriend, who has a full-time job, was happy to cover the rest.
But even though I know that I’m saving us the $40,000 to $50,000 a full-time nanny would cost, it’s been extremely hard for me to stop working entirely. The idea that my savings might run out and leave me to borrow spending money from my boyfriend feels far too old-fashioned for someone who’s considered herself a feminist since she learned what the word meant.
I want to keep working, but I love being a mom
Now, with my daughter sleeping through the night, I’ve found myself full of creative ideas begging to be put down on paper. I want to work, and I’m very grateful that I can make that choice, rather than having it made for me.
The three of us could live comfortably on my boyfriend’s salary. Nevertheless, not having any income isn’t something I can handle emotionally. As a child of divorce, in which money was a major factor, I worry that relying solely on him to provide for us could lead to resentment on his part, and leave me behind in the job market if we ever split up.
Because of that, I’m about to return to my part-time work-from-home copywriting job and have been taking on freelance writing assignments. I considered hiring a babysitter to free up my time, but the difference between my hourly rate and theirs wouldn’t make it worthwhile. Furthermore, I’m 49 and waited a long time to fulfill my dream of becoming a mom.
I know that “having it all” isn’t possible. I can’t simultaneously give 100% to my job and 100% to being a mom. In just these first few months, there have been plenty of times when I’ve been pulled from my work upon seeing my baby’s smiling face. Taking the time to have an impromptu dance party or blow gently on her face brings her more joy than I could have thought possible.
I’m earning the amount that’s right for my mental well-being
One necessary expense has been my mental health. I had stopped seeing my therapist earlier this year to save money, but within two weeks of our adoption placement, I returned. I also found another provider to finally obtain medication for ADHD to allow me to not feel so overwhelmed by all the tasks on my plate.
Cutting back on work — but not abandoning it — is the compromise I’ve settled on to fulfill my duties as a mom, satisfy my need for mental stimulation, and stay financially stable. I’m not earning anywhere near what I was before, but it’s enough for bills and occasional splurges without having to micromanage my budget. I’ve mourned grossing six figures annually, but someday, when my daughter’s older, I hope I can get back to that level of success.
I’ve learned that while money is important and valuable, I can be “rich” in other ways — which I recognize is a privileged viewpoint I can afford to hold only because of my partner’s income. When I walk into my daughter’s nursery just as she’s waking up, and she beams her drooling smile at me, I feel wealthy in love in a way no amount of money could ever hold a candle to.
What’s given me the most satisfaction, though, is balancing my work projects with taking care of her. I may not be able to physically tend to her needs and work simultaneously, but I have found ways to bring motherhood into my work. Whether that’s sitting her on my lap during Zoom calls or writing about the reality of my life as a mom, it has made my dip in income less scary.
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